Intentional Parenting
There is a story in the Jewish Talmud about a king who sent two jesters on an errand. In instructing them, he said…
“Foolish Simon, go and bring me back the best thing in the world…
And you Silly John, go and find for me the worst thing in the world.”
Both clowns were back in short order, each carrying a package.
Simon bowed low and grinned. “Behold, Sire, the best thing in the world.” His package contained a tongue.
John snickered and quickly unwrapped his bundle. “The worst thing in the world, Sire.” Another tongue!
The Scriptures have a lot to say about the Tongue and WHAT WE SAY. The Scriptures declare:
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 15:4
A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Over and over again, the Scripture contrasts a tongue for righteous living and a tongue that is wicked.
In James we are told that we are hypocritical when we use our tongue to praise God and also use it to curse men.
James 3:9-10
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
THERE IS POWER IN THE TONGUE.
Fathers, on this father’s day, let me ask:
•Is your tongue a tree of life to your wife and children or does it break the spirit?
•Dad, did you know that with your tongue you have the opportunity to give to your children something that very few people will receive in this world?
•Dads, are you aware of the deep need your children have to be blessed by you?
Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue and today, you have an opportunity to break the cycle of death and choose life by choosing to bless your children with your words.
Here is my challenge today: I want to challenge the fathers in this room to give their children the verbal blessing that they need, long for, and that will establish them.
My Challenge…
I want to challenge the fathers in this room to give their children the verbal blessing that they need, long for, and that will establish them.
I am going to show you how to do it and give you five principles to help you establish your children with their words. This is applicable for moms, and for grandfathers and grandmothers as well.
ONE WRITER ONCE SAID OF FATHER’S DAY…
Today, I am reminded that God is indeed our perfect Father. No human being can ultimately be a total reflection of God. As many of you will attest to, we either show how far we fall from God or the hints of what God really is like.
Well, today, dads, I want to help you give your children a glimpse into what God really is like.
AND…
Here is my premise for this challenge:
My Premise…
If God the Father choose to bless God the Son with his words while Jesus walked this earth, shouldn’t we also do the same for our children?
Our primary text today is Matthew 3:17.
In this text I want to show you 5 essential principles in establishing your children.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
Now before we run off and make application of this verse into our lives it is vitally important to understand it in its context. When studying the Scripture always place the message into the context of who is being addressed and in what situation.
•This is at the very beginning of Jesus’ ministry.
•He hasn’t chosen his disciples.
•He hasn’t performed any miracles.
•This moment recorded by Matthew is the inauguration of Jesus’ ministry when he is baptized by John the Baptist. Remember, John did not want to baptize Jesus. He thought that Jesus should baptize him.
•Just beyond this moment, Jesus is led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to endure the temptation of Satan for 40 days.
Now, let’s dive deep into the Blessing of the Heavenly Father to the Eternal Son.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
I.Principle #1: Make the most of Special Occasions to Establish your Children.
“A Voice From Heaven” – This is a Special Announcement on a Special Occasion.
Embarassment – Parents, have you ever been talking about your children to another, speaking proudly and you look over at your child and they feel a bit embarrassed?
This happens when we tell a story about them, or when we talk about how good they can sing or dance. Then, in our pride, we ask them to sing for our friends or dance for our friends and we put them on the spot.
We are announcing something about them because we are so proud of them!
I want you to multiply this type of action that you take about your child and multiply it by 100! Can you imagine the scene, when Jesus was coming out of the water and the heavens open up?
This is what Matthew records. Matthew 3:16 states:
Matthew 3:16
And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him…
What an announcement!
When you give the Blessing, make the setting special and memorable! Take the time to make it a special announcement.
One of my friends gathered a number of us around his son for a special moment in his life. He fed us well. He made it great. He asked each of us to come prepared to share some insights with his son. Then, he had us all in tears as he poured words of life into his son.
Dad, plan it out and make it special.
II.Principle #2: Character Matters
“My” – He Carries my name and my Character.
Notice the verse again.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
This is MY.
One of the things I tell my children is that you carry Christ’s name and you carry my name.
•You are a Christian. Christ’s Name is on you.
•You carry my name. You are a Patterson.
Now, what expectation am I placing on them?
I am expecting them to behave in accordance with the character of Jesus and the character of their father.
I tell them, “Don’t carry my name or Christ’s name in the mud.”
You see, our children will rise to high expectations and standards if we challenge them to do so.
And yet, they must see us pursuing high standards if we expect our words to have weight. They must see consistency in our lives.
Now think about this for a moment. Jesus carried the very character of God the Father.
That is exactly what Hebrews 1:3 tells us:
Hebrews 1:3
He (the Son) is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.
This is why Jesus could say to his disciples, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.”
When people look at our children, they should see our characters if we are leading them well.
You see, the work you want to see God do in your kids must start with you because he has given you the role and position of lead influencer in their lives. This is why it is so vital that you imprint on them the things of God. Your character matters, because that is where they are going to see how to form their character.
But here is the problem, we have too many children running around our streets and in our churches and in our schools who carry their father’s name but they do not know his character because they don’t experience their father’s love. This leaves them wandering, guessing, and looking for love in all the wrong places.
O Lord, turn the heart of the father back to the children and the heart of the children back to the father!
III.Principle #3: Love is the Foundation
“Beloved” – He is my favorite!
Notice the great blessing again. Remember, it is set in a special place, given by a Father who knows his son carries his character out into the world by carrying His name.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
The Father announces that Jesus is his BELOVED son.
THE WORD BELOVED MEANS, “DEARLY LOVED, CHERISHED, PREFERRED ABOVE ALL OTHERS.”
Now dads, we aren’t to play favorites with our children. But this is the one and only Son of the one and only Father. The Son is coexistent, coequal and coeternal, but has chosen to subordinate himself to the Father, the one in all authority.
The Father loves the Son and the Son loves the Father. In their relationship we see perfect love and trust established. There is perfect obedience from the Son to the Father and there is the dispensing of authority from the Father to the Son. It is a perfect relationship.
Our relationships to our children fall short. Our children’s performance of obedience falls short as well. But the beauty of this is that the Father/Son dynamic here is not based on performance but on relationship.
There is mutual love that leads to mutual service.
All too often, we convey the message, “I will love you when you perform for me.” This is conditional love. It certainly isn’t biblical love.
You see the love of God is an unconditional love that displays itself regardless of response.
Fathers…
•our children must receive our love first. When we demonstrate our love first, they will perform.
•But when we demand performance out of them for our approval, we will hurt them and embitter them.
IV.Principle #4 – Proximity Matters
“With Whom” – This Speaks to Proximity.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
•How can our children experience our love, know our character and respond to high standards if we are not in their lives?
We have a huge problem in America. And it is the same problem that countries that are in distress have all over the world.
Our problem in the U.S. is that we are raising a FATHERLESS Generation.
Here are a few statistics I want you to think about:
•90% of all people incarcerated for violent crimes in the U.S. have a broken relationship with their fathers.
•Nearly 50% of all homes only has one parent present in it.
Many dads will tell us that this did not happen by their choosing.
But most dads are the author of this problem. They aren’t “With” their children.
•They walk away from their children.
•They aren’t near their children because they didn’t have a father who invested in them so they don’t know how to be a father who invests in their children.
There is no proximity and it leaves a gaping hole in our children’s hearts that sets them on a course of both wandering throughout life and wondering what they did wrong that their father would not know them or love them.
Dads, learn to be “With.” Learn to be present. Find out what your children love and learn to love those things too. Find out what they struggle with in school and help them with that subject matter. You will be a better father for it, and you will convey your deep love for them.
V.Principle #5 – The Spoken Blessing
“I Am Well Pleased” – This is the Spoken Blessing that Establishes Us!
Pastor Robert Lewis, in his book, The Raising of a Modern Day Knight, declares that our children need to hear three sayings from us.
a.I love you.
b.I am proud of you.
c.This is what you are really good at.
When we do this in a special way, over and over again, it establishes our children.
Look again at Matthew 3:17 and the Blessing of the Eternal Father to the Eternal Son.
Remember:
•This is a special occasion to make this special announcement
•He is pointing to his Son who carries his name and his nature
•He is declaring his love for his son – He delights in him, he is cherished by him
•He is Close to him – With Whom.
Now look at the Blessing…
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
•Do you see the approval?
•Do you hear the love?
•Do you sense how this announcement establishes Jesus?
Keep in mind what is about to happen to him:
•Jesus is about to go off and launch his ministry that will ultimately lead to the cross and his crucifixion. This is the Father’s plan.
• And the first step on that journey is that he is about to go to the desert, driven by the Spirit, for His temptation.
The Scripture declares that, “He was tempted in every way, yet without sin.”
I believe one of the ways our children will avoid the hurts and hang ups of sin is that they have their father’s blessing!
“I love you. I am proud of you. This is what you are good at.”
•When I first gave this message in the Dominican Republic, Father’s Day, 2015, I publicly blessed my children. In an open-air church, with hundreds gathered, I spoke a word of blessing to each of them.
You know, in reflection, I believe that I learned to do this from my Father. So dad, thank you for establishing me. Thank you for conveying your love, how proud of me you are, and what you believe about what I could become.
Men, I want to challenge you to take the time to bless your children…
1.You can do this. Many of you are ready to do this and today, on this Father’s day, you should begin. Take some time today to Bless your children. Tell them:
a.I love you.
b.I am proud of you.
c.You are really good at __________ (and tell them what they are good at).
•Do this repeatedly and you will establish them with your words.
•Do this repeatedly and they will avoid running off into sin.
•Do this repeatedly and you will begin a cycle of blessing your children as they go out into the world.
•They in turn will bless their children and many generations will be blessed.
2.Some of you will never get your father’s blessing.
As I prepared this for today, this is a fact that I am well aware of. It hurts my heart to know that you won’t be established with your father’s words.
But can I tell you something? Look up at me.
If you know that you will never hear your father’s blessing on your life, remember this promise from Scripture:
Psalm 68:5
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
By God’s written word, He has obligated himself to be a father to you. And here is how he will often do it.
God will raise up men and he will give them to you as mentors – men who will pour the love, approval, and care of God into your lives. He can redeem your fatherlessness. He will provide you spiritual fathers. Look for them, turn to them, and receive from them.
And when you have freely received, when you become a father, you can turn that which was a curse to you, into a blessing to your children.
May the fathers of the church RISE UP and live differently.
Father, go and bless your children!
This blog is based on the message shared by Senior Pastor Dr. Roger Patterson on Sunday, June 15, 2025 from our CityRise Church Bellaire campus. Check out the full message below!
“Foolish Simon, go and bring me back the best thing in the world…
And you Silly John, go and find for me the worst thing in the world.”
Both clowns were back in short order, each carrying a package.
Simon bowed low and grinned. “Behold, Sire, the best thing in the world.” His package contained a tongue.
John snickered and quickly unwrapped his bundle. “The worst thing in the world, Sire.” Another tongue!
The Scriptures have a lot to say about the Tongue and WHAT WE SAY. The Scriptures declare:
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 15:4
A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Over and over again, the Scripture contrasts a tongue for righteous living and a tongue that is wicked.
In James we are told that we are hypocritical when we use our tongue to praise God and also use it to curse men.
James 3:9-10
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
THERE IS POWER IN THE TONGUE.
Fathers, on this father’s day, let me ask:
•Is your tongue a tree of life to your wife and children or does it break the spirit?
•Dad, did you know that with your tongue you have the opportunity to give to your children something that very few people will receive in this world?
•Dads, are you aware of the deep need your children have to be blessed by you?
Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue and today, you have an opportunity to break the cycle of death and choose life by choosing to bless your children with your words.
Here is my challenge today: I want to challenge the fathers in this room to give their children the verbal blessing that they need, long for, and that will establish them.
My Challenge…
I want to challenge the fathers in this room to give their children the verbal blessing that they need, long for, and that will establish them.
I am going to show you how to do it and give you five principles to help you establish your children with their words. This is applicable for moms, and for grandfathers and grandmothers as well.
ONE WRITER ONCE SAID OF FATHER’S DAY…
Today, I am reminded that God is indeed our perfect Father. No human being can ultimately be a total reflection of God. As many of you will attest to, we either show how far we fall from God or the hints of what God really is like.
Well, today, dads, I want to help you give your children a glimpse into what God really is like.
AND…
Here is my premise for this challenge:
My Premise…
If God the Father choose to bless God the Son with his words while Jesus walked this earth, shouldn’t we also do the same for our children?
Our primary text today is Matthew 3:17.
In this text I want to show you 5 essential principles in establishing your children.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
Now before we run off and make application of this verse into our lives it is vitally important to understand it in its context. When studying the Scripture always place the message into the context of who is being addressed and in what situation.
•This is at the very beginning of Jesus’ ministry.
•He hasn’t chosen his disciples.
•He hasn’t performed any miracles.
•This moment recorded by Matthew is the inauguration of Jesus’ ministry when he is baptized by John the Baptist. Remember, John did not want to baptize Jesus. He thought that Jesus should baptize him.
•Just beyond this moment, Jesus is led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to endure the temptation of Satan for 40 days.
Now, let’s dive deep into the Blessing of the Heavenly Father to the Eternal Son.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
I.Principle #1: Make the most of Special Occasions to Establish your Children.
“A Voice From Heaven” – This is a Special Announcement on a Special Occasion.
Embarassment – Parents, have you ever been talking about your children to another, speaking proudly and you look over at your child and they feel a bit embarrassed?
This happens when we tell a story about them, or when we talk about how good they can sing or dance. Then, in our pride, we ask them to sing for our friends or dance for our friends and we put them on the spot.
We are announcing something about them because we are so proud of them!
I want you to multiply this type of action that you take about your child and multiply it by 100! Can you imagine the scene, when Jesus was coming out of the water and the heavens open up?
This is what Matthew records. Matthew 3:16 states:
Matthew 3:16
And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him…
What an announcement!
When you give the Blessing, make the setting special and memorable! Take the time to make it a special announcement.
One of my friends gathered a number of us around his son for a special moment in his life. He fed us well. He made it great. He asked each of us to come prepared to share some insights with his son. Then, he had us all in tears as he poured words of life into his son.
Dad, plan it out and make it special.
II.Principle #2: Character Matters
“My” – He Carries my name and my Character.
Notice the verse again.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
This is MY.
One of the things I tell my children is that you carry Christ’s name and you carry my name.
•You are a Christian. Christ’s Name is on you.
•You carry my name. You are a Patterson.
Now, what expectation am I placing on them?
I am expecting them to behave in accordance with the character of Jesus and the character of their father.
I tell them, “Don’t carry my name or Christ’s name in the mud.”
You see, our children will rise to high expectations and standards if we challenge them to do so.
And yet, they must see us pursuing high standards if we expect our words to have weight. They must see consistency in our lives.
Now think about this for a moment. Jesus carried the very character of God the Father.
That is exactly what Hebrews 1:3 tells us:
Hebrews 1:3
He (the Son) is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.
This is why Jesus could say to his disciples, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.”
When people look at our children, they should see our characters if we are leading them well.
You see, the work you want to see God do in your kids must start with you because he has given you the role and position of lead influencer in their lives. This is why it is so vital that you imprint on them the things of God. Your character matters, because that is where they are going to see how to form their character.
But here is the problem, we have too many children running around our streets and in our churches and in our schools who carry their father’s name but they do not know his character because they don’t experience their father’s love. This leaves them wandering, guessing, and looking for love in all the wrong places.
O Lord, turn the heart of the father back to the children and the heart of the children back to the father!
III.Principle #3: Love is the Foundation
“Beloved” – He is my favorite!
Notice the great blessing again. Remember, it is set in a special place, given by a Father who knows his son carries his character out into the world by carrying His name.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
The Father announces that Jesus is his BELOVED son.
THE WORD BELOVED MEANS, “DEARLY LOVED, CHERISHED, PREFERRED ABOVE ALL OTHERS.”
Now dads, we aren’t to play favorites with our children. But this is the one and only Son of the one and only Father. The Son is coexistent, coequal and coeternal, but has chosen to subordinate himself to the Father, the one in all authority.
The Father loves the Son and the Son loves the Father. In their relationship we see perfect love and trust established. There is perfect obedience from the Son to the Father and there is the dispensing of authority from the Father to the Son. It is a perfect relationship.
Our relationships to our children fall short. Our children’s performance of obedience falls short as well. But the beauty of this is that the Father/Son dynamic here is not based on performance but on relationship.
There is mutual love that leads to mutual service.
All too often, we convey the message, “I will love you when you perform for me.” This is conditional love. It certainly isn’t biblical love.
You see the love of God is an unconditional love that displays itself regardless of response.
Fathers…
•our children must receive our love first. When we demonstrate our love first, they will perform.
•But when we demand performance out of them for our approval, we will hurt them and embitter them.
IV.Principle #4 – Proximity Matters
“With Whom” – This Speaks to Proximity.
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
•How can our children experience our love, know our character and respond to high standards if we are not in their lives?
We have a huge problem in America. And it is the same problem that countries that are in distress have all over the world.
Our problem in the U.S. is that we are raising a FATHERLESS Generation.
Here are a few statistics I want you to think about:
•90% of all people incarcerated for violent crimes in the U.S. have a broken relationship with their fathers.
•Nearly 50% of all homes only has one parent present in it.
Many dads will tell us that this did not happen by their choosing.
But most dads are the author of this problem. They aren’t “With” their children.
•They walk away from their children.
•They aren’t near their children because they didn’t have a father who invested in them so they don’t know how to be a father who invests in their children.
There is no proximity and it leaves a gaping hole in our children’s hearts that sets them on a course of both wandering throughout life and wondering what they did wrong that their father would not know them or love them.
Dads, learn to be “With.” Learn to be present. Find out what your children love and learn to love those things too. Find out what they struggle with in school and help them with that subject matter. You will be a better father for it, and you will convey your deep love for them.
V.Principle #5 – The Spoken Blessing
“I Am Well Pleased” – This is the Spoken Blessing that Establishes Us!
Pastor Robert Lewis, in his book, The Raising of a Modern Day Knight, declares that our children need to hear three sayings from us.
a.I love you.
b.I am proud of you.
c.This is what you are really good at.
When we do this in a special way, over and over again, it establishes our children.
Look again at Matthew 3:17 and the Blessing of the Eternal Father to the Eternal Son.
Remember:
•This is a special occasion to make this special announcement
•He is pointing to his Son who carries his name and his nature
•He is declaring his love for his son – He delights in him, he is cherished by him
•He is Close to him – With Whom.
Now look at the Blessing…
Matthew 3:17
and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”
•Do you see the approval?
•Do you hear the love?
•Do you sense how this announcement establishes Jesus?
Keep in mind what is about to happen to him:
•Jesus is about to go off and launch his ministry that will ultimately lead to the cross and his crucifixion. This is the Father’s plan.
• And the first step on that journey is that he is about to go to the desert, driven by the Spirit, for His temptation.
The Scripture declares that, “He was tempted in every way, yet without sin.”
I believe one of the ways our children will avoid the hurts and hang ups of sin is that they have their father’s blessing!
“I love you. I am proud of you. This is what you are good at.”
•When I first gave this message in the Dominican Republic, Father’s Day, 2015, I publicly blessed my children. In an open-air church, with hundreds gathered, I spoke a word of blessing to each of them.
You know, in reflection, I believe that I learned to do this from my Father. So dad, thank you for establishing me. Thank you for conveying your love, how proud of me you are, and what you believe about what I could become.
Men, I want to challenge you to take the time to bless your children…
1.You can do this. Many of you are ready to do this and today, on this Father’s day, you should begin. Take some time today to Bless your children. Tell them:
a.I love you.
b.I am proud of you.
c.You are really good at __________ (and tell them what they are good at).
•Do this repeatedly and you will establish them with your words.
•Do this repeatedly and they will avoid running off into sin.
•Do this repeatedly and you will begin a cycle of blessing your children as they go out into the world.
•They in turn will bless their children and many generations will be blessed.
2.Some of you will never get your father’s blessing.
As I prepared this for today, this is a fact that I am well aware of. It hurts my heart to know that you won’t be established with your father’s words.
But can I tell you something? Look up at me.
If you know that you will never hear your father’s blessing on your life, remember this promise from Scripture:
Psalm 68:5
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
By God’s written word, He has obligated himself to be a father to you. And here is how he will often do it.
God will raise up men and he will give them to you as mentors – men who will pour the love, approval, and care of God into your lives. He can redeem your fatherlessness. He will provide you spiritual fathers. Look for them, turn to them, and receive from them.
And when you have freely received, when you become a father, you can turn that which was a curse to you, into a blessing to your children.
May the fathers of the church RISE UP and live differently.
Father, go and bless your children!
This blog is based on the message shared by Senior Pastor Dr. Roger Patterson on Sunday, June 15, 2025 from our CityRise Church Bellaire campus. Check out the full message below!
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